Should I feel guilty for not giving money to beggars? This lady comes up to me at the post office and in a high whiney voice asks me for money so she can feed her kids. I assume bullshit, tell her that I’m sorry but I never carry cash on me. She comes into the post office and kind of surveys the crowd of people in line for awhile, then leaves. I just have a really hard time believing that in Alton a person would have trouble feeding their kids. Maybe I’m just blind to some major problem we have in Alton where moms can’t feed their kids. Or maybe I’m just a jerk.

Earlier this year, this old man approached me while I was eating in Subway. I’d seen him around town before, sometimes in even in Subway. He had the classic bum look with the old raggy clothes, the unshaven face and the smell. He asked me if I could spare some money because he had $50 earlier that day but he lost it and now he’s stranded. Or something like that. It was about the lamest story I’ve ever heard. Maybe the problem is that I’ve lived in a lot of big cities and been approached for money so many times and these amateur beggars in Alton just aren’t very good. Or maybe the problem is that I’ve been homeless before and I’ve been tight with other homeless people and I know that most of the people that beg for money really just don’t feel like getting jobs. And by giving them money we’re enabling them to continue not having jobs. Or maybe all that is just my excuse for being a jerk.

Anyway, about the old man in Subway…I didn’t give him anything. And I honestly would have bought him a meal and sat down and ate with him. But I could barely understand what he was saying because of some speach problem of his. So I told him I don’t carry cash on me and he left. And yes, I know, I’m a horrible person for not wanting to hang out with someone solely because of a handicap of theirs. But that’s not the bad part of this story…

Just a day or 2 after that incident this old man commits suicide. And not just any old suicide. He walks to the Amtrak station in Alton and lays down on the tracks. Someone sees him laying there and yells at him to get off the track. The old man sits up for a second, then lays back down. Minutes later a train comes and probably slices him in half. The next day I’m shocked to see his picture in the paper and read what he’s done. To think that he might not have done that if I’d just given him $5.00 for a meal. Not that I blame myself for it, but geez…

And on a lighter note, I’m really going to miss the hell out of the uptown Subway. I’ve been going there every other day or so for about 5 years now. They play classic rock there, really loud. And sometimes the sandwhich makers (excuse me, sandwhich artists) sing along while they create sandwhiches. Who plays classic rock in a Subway? But that gives it kind of a unique character. Not that I even like classic rock very much, but it’s nice to get a little 30 minute dose of it every day. I bet the Subway in Albany will play light rock via satellite instead of just sticking in their Zepplin CDs.