RBCP'S BIG STUPID HOMEPAGE

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Feb 04

Altercation of the Day

I went to pick up my son from school today, and parked on my usual side street. As I’m leaving my car and walking towards the school, some guy trimming his hedges says to me, “Hey could you not park there in front of my mailbox? The mailman doesn’t like when you park there.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry about that, I won’t do it again.”

“Could you go ahead and move it back a few feet?”

I looked and I wasn’t even in front of his mailbox. It was about a foot in front of my car. “It doesn’t look like I’m in front of it anyway.”

“Just back up a few feet for me!”

“Not now. I won’t park there again though, I promise.” And I keep walking towards the school.

“YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!” he yells.

This makes me smile. I pause for a minute and then go back to where he can hear me.

“Hey, I’ll probably park there tomorrow too. And every day from now on.”

“Go ahead! I’ll call the police! You’re an asshole!”

“Bye now!”

And I continued walking to pick up my son. I told him about it so that if the guy started yelling things at us again, he would be prepared. I was kind of hoping for more, but he wasn’t outside. He was probably on the phone with 911, frantically telling them all about me.

I usually can’t even park in that spot because some other mom is already there. And is it even illegal to park a foot away from a mailbox? I know it’d make it difficult for the mailman in his truck, but that can’t be illegal. Or maybe it is, who knows. In my 3 years here, I’ve never seen that guy in his yard but I can’t wait to give him a friendly hello every time I see him from now on.

17 comments

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  1. Old Phuck

    Hey, the postal cops (even if illegal to park in front of a mailbox…which it’s not) are the least of your trouble at this point. The Boulder police have just reopened the JonBenet case.

  2. bruce

    what time does the mail come? isnt it long delivered by the time school is out? i think the guy is just being an ass-hole. but i would totaly find out the legality and park there every chance i got.

  3. rbcp

    I’m not sure about the time, but I’ve never seen a mail truck there in the 3 years I’ve been picking up the kids from that school. I think the curb would be yellow if I couldn’t park there.

  4. anexkahn

    ORS 811.550 is the Oregon parking statute..nothing talks about mail boxes. closest thing is a driveway, “(15) In front of a public or private driveway.” so as long as you’re clear of that and it isn’t posted, you should be good to go.

  5. Old Phuck

    In fact, if your car will keep the mailman away, I’ll invite you to park in front of my mailbox. All the guy ever delivers here are bills.

  6. Renae

    Yeah, and it takes sooooo long to pick up a child from school! You must be parked there for HOURS!!

  7. liz

    yeah, and that poor mailman. he might have to get OUT OF HIS TRUCK for like thirty seconds to put the guys mail in his box. i think we should all feel uber sorry for him. and still park in front of the mailbox. like squarely.

  8. Sebastian

    Crash into his mailbox next time.

  9. bruce

    now now sebastian lets not be hasty. i think we can annoy the crap out of this guy and not get into trouble. i think you can pravoke him into further stupidity though.

  10. rbcp

    How about a cute little Postit note that reads, “Asshole Loves You!” on his mailbox? I think we can all agree that this would put a smile on his face.

    Thanks for looking up statutes for me, anexkahn!

  11. Andy

    Fun ideas:

    1. Blow up his mailbox (could be a fun activity for the kids!)

    2. Come back at night and tap into his phones.

    3. Buy a cheap vibrator or something and cover it in chocolate fudge and let him find it in his mailbox.

    Can you tell I’ve been reading your website for too long?

  12. Bubba

    I like that the guy calling you names doesn’t even dent your ego, but instead just opens your eyes to new possiblities for… whatever. Life is peachy.

  13. kristine

    he picked the wrong person to screw with!

    i’d keep things out of the mailbox though, i think it is a federal offense to put anything besides us postal mail in a mailbox. even leaving a note or a check for a friend is illegal supposedly.

    of course, i’m going on heresay and never bothered to look up the laws myself.

    i can’t imagine the mail being delivered during school closing times though. i think the mailman would have enough sense to alter his route so that it didn’t happen at that time because of all the annoyances of kids and traffic and such.

  14. Jenn

    “some other mom is already there”

    *snicker*

  15. mcfuklebuck

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29017293/?GT1=43001

    do the spessas have anything to do with this??/

    nazi zombies….raptors….guffaw….

  16. Jenn

    I guess I’ll have to start using my real email address if I want to use my Gravatar, huh?

  17. Steve from Seattle

    Put one of those black and orange for sale signs on his mailbox, a “Free Parking” sign, “Reserved for ASSHOLE” sign, or hell, if you have an old parking meter for some reason (Don’t ask) you can plant that there and make his day :) Mail him a letter saying he can have the cash if he can get it open, then report him for stealing it. :)

    Enjoy!

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