Around 1990, while working at Kerasotes Eastgate Cinema in East Alton, Illinois, I wrote a couple song parodies. Here they are. There are quite a few inside jokes and employee names thrown in that won’t make much sense to you. To get back to the Eastgate Cinema page, click here.
On a dark summer evening,
Cool wind in my hair,
Warm smell of buttered popcorn rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance I saw a flickering sign
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim. I had to stop for awhile.
There she stood in the window.
I heard an usher yell.
I was thinking to myself, “This could be heaven and this could be Kerasotes.”
Then she punched up a ticket and she gave me my change
There were voices from the projection booth. I thought I heard them say,
“Welcome to the Eastgate Movie Theatre.”
Such a lovely face behind the candy case.
Plenty of room left in Teenage Mutant Turtles.
Any time of year we’ll be open here.
They got a 5.50 special…5.86 with tax.
They got a machine in the office to play with that they call a Fax.
How they sweep up the lobby cause they’re in debt.
Some sweep to remember, some sweep to forget…
So I went to concession. “Hershey Bar, please!”
She said, “We haven’t had that candy here since 1983.”
And still those voices are calling from far away.
Wake you up in the middle of the show just to hear them say,
“Welcome to the Eastgate Movie Theatre.”
Such a big disgrace on the planet’s face.
Building on to the Eastgate Movie Theatre.
What a nice surprise at the growing size.
Ceiling fans on the ceiling.
7-UP on ice.
Susan said, “We are all just prisoners here of our on device.”
And in the manager’s office they gathered for the feast.
Kriss stabbed him with her exacto-knife but she couldn’t kill the beast.
Last thing I remember I was running for the door.
I had to find the highway back to the place I was before.
“Hold on” said the doorman,”you are an employee.
You can sign out any time you want, but you can never leave…”
Welcome to the Movies
to the tune of Welcome to the Jungle by Guns ‘N Roses
Welcome to the movies
Where inflation’s at the top,
You can sneak in any time you want,
But you better never ever get caught.
We are the people that can find,
The tickets you will need,
If you pay that kind of money, honey,
You got some kind of mental disease.
At the movies,
Welcome to the movies,
Where we’ll bring you to your knees, knees,
I wanna watch you bleed!
Have some buttered popcorn,
We pop it day by day,
If you want it you’re gonna bleed,
But it’s the price you pay,
And you’re a scroungy lookin’ girl,
That’s very hard to please,
You can taste those Gummi Bears,
But you’ll never taste ‘em for free.
At the movies,
Welcome to the movies,
Hear that cash register r-r-r-r-r-r-ring, ring,
I, I wanna hear you scream!
Welcome to concession,
The price gets worse here every day,
Ya learn to live like an animal,
In the lobby where we play,
If you got a hunger for what you see,
You’ll take it eventually,
You can have anything you want,
But you’ll pay a lot of money.
At the movies,
Welcome to the movies,
Watch us bring you to your knees, knees.
And prices are high and they’ll never,
Never ever come down, down, down. Yeah!
(banjo solo)
You know where you are,
You’re in Cinema #2, baby,
You’re gonna die!
At Kerasotes,
Welcome to the movies,
Watch it bring you to your knees, knees
You’re gonna go bankrupt. Ha!
