I’m a fibber

Today, as I was walking into the post office, there was an old man on the sidewalk with a clipboard, I assume to sway peoples’ political beliefs. There’s always one there this time of year. As I opened the door, he asked me if I was a Linn County resident. Without looking at him I said “Nah” and continued inside. But before the door shut, I heard him say, “Oh, you’re fibbing!” So I walked back out the door, knocked the clipboard out of his hand and screamed, “FUCK YOU!” in his face. Wait no, that last part is a lie.

Actually, I continued inside to pick up my mail. I probably wouldn’t have said anything to him, but a lady who works in the post office (one of the higher ups, who gets called to the counter when a customer demands to talk to a supervisor) was at the door and telling him not to do something. She was saying something like he needs to approach people on the way out instead of the way in.

So I stopped and said, “You know, I wasn’t lying to you. I really don’t live in Linn County.”

He says nothing. So I continue, “So you don’t need to call me a liar.”

“Huh?” he replies.

“You said I was fibbing when I told you I don’t live in Linn County and I don’t appreciate it. I shouldn’t have to be called a liar whenever I come to pick up my mail.”

“Oh. Well I was just kidding, buddy!”

By the time he says this I’m getting into my car and the post office lady is giving him an evil look. As I pull away she’s talking to him again. I don’t know how much authority she has over those people who stand out there, but it would be great if she made him leave. I hate having to dodge them every single day.

Oh, and I really am a Linn County resident. Tee hee! I love being a jerk.

EDIT: Just to prove that I’m not a complete jerk all the time, I should point out that in December I give those Salvation Army bell ringers at the post office money almost every single day.


  • You are a jerk. Because of this post I am going to get a clipboard, stand outside of public buildings and call people liars. or maybe I will call them murderers. no i think fornicator would be funnier.

    I used to do this thing that bugged my brother Trent when ever him and me were any place public I would shout out “THAT MAN’S A MURDERER!” A and point to some random place. He always found it embarrassing. I also enjoy thinking of things to shout at Trent as during his track meets when he passes. Last meet I shouted “Crucify Him!” He smiled.

  • Have Bruce videotape this!

  • Do you think he gets paid to do this, or just does this as a volunteer? I thought your first (fake) response as funny, yet still illegal. Your second response was more tempered, yet still confrontational.

    Couldn’t you just mumble like a crazy person and pretend to shoo the flies away like I do?

    In response to John’s way to embarrass people, my brother in law liked to point and yell “SECURITY”! at me in airports (before 9/11). I did not think it was funny either.

  • I bet he’s a volunteer, just like the bell ringers.


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