After playing a few random sound clips I found on my hard drive last night, we jump into the mysterious world of 1986 where we jam out to the Neutron Dance, where I say everything I type into the computer for the listening audience just like I was taught in movies, where I torment the teenagers that hang out in front of 7-Eleven, where I get shot in the chest at point blank range, where Domino’s finally quits taking phone orders from non-human voices, and where everyone is so concerned about that damn box.
This episode of Brad’s Cactus Shack activates my old man story mode so I can tell stories about old men. Then I play some old 90’s Dino audio that can barely be heard, but it’s okay because I tell you small parts of what he probably said, then drone on and on about OCI for a bit. We wrap it up with voicemails from an ex-employer of mine that I remembered being funnier back when I recorded them. The opening bit is from old Q106.5 broadcasts, background music is Walk Of Life by Dire Straights, and the ending music is I Am Very Happy Right Now by Bonecage.
Cody NoName sent me a link to a conspiracy video that I really want to watch, but I’m too afraid to watch it by myself because conspiracy videos are scary, so I’m bringing you guys along to watch it with me. This is a conspiracy theory about the Skunkworks situation and what those underground tunnels really mean.
Don’t worry, there’s nothing in the video that you actually need to see. It’s mostly video of text that Evvonne is reading with the very important parts highlighted in yellow highlight pen, because that’s an important thing to do with you’re talking about conspiracies.
Here’s another article with a bit more information. This one claims that Skunkworks met the other guy as an adult, so I’m not sure where Evvonne saw that they were childhood friends. Maybe I was confused about what she said and it was actually a childhood friend of Askia Khafra who was talking about the incident.
Haha, JUST as I was about to hit the publish button for this episode, I got a call from Maryland! It was a lady from the dumpster company that I called last night, saying she noticed they missed a call from me. I explained that I saw her number in a conspiracy video and was just calling to see if it was a real number. She was probably actually a CIA agent just checking up on me.
Mike sent me my arrest report from 1993, which details my crimes against the 7-Eleven I worked for, so this entire episode is me reading the report. Music is Take The Monkey And Run by Steve Miller, and Dizz Knee Land by Dada.
On Wednesday night I sat in my moderately comfortable chair and took calls from viewers for about an hour, who all seemed to think it’s funny to make prank calls to me. This is a serious show, people, and if the prank calls don’t stop I will end it.
The song in this one is called Rocking Chair by Dean Friedman. It’s a song about sitting in your rocking chair and broadcasting while people call you. The background music during the live part is With You by I Fight Dragons.
This episode gets back to the business of clearing out my hard drive and playing a few of the interesting things I find along the way. You’ll hear some transfer files I made to more effectively trick phone company employees, some stuff I’m pretty sure came from my good pal Legend, a weird method of getting free calls and hiding your caller ID, and a broken Phone Show drop.
The ending song is Chiron Beta Prime by Jonathan Coulton. If you want to see that exciting ANSI video that stopped me from doing a show last week, here it is.
I found more phone company recordings scattered around various drives, buried several sub-directories deep. Hopefully these aren’t calls that I played on the first episode. We also listen to some so-called chaos that I caused at a mall in the mid-2000’s, and we revisit my old neighbor Warren and his super exciting lifestyle.
On that part where I couldn’t understand what she was saying – she said she was haulin’ balls. Who says stuff like that? I’m surprised they didn’t all communicate via CB radios instead of borrowing my phone.
I found a few old posts that reference Warren, but nothing specific about the blender timer. And haha, in that picture I can see that I had it set to go off FOUR TIMES A DAY. The timer automatically randomized the start/end times by about 15 minutes. I should have set up a sensor on the wall to count how many times it was banged in that 2 weeks.
I found a few old blog posts that reference Warren. Here’s where my car stereo gets stolen. There’s this one about contemplating moving. My first bike theft. Here’s where I badmouth Warren to the landlord. My breakdown of Warren-related living costs. Still bitching about Warren here. Here’s a picture of my broken car window and missing radio. Looking back on all this stuff really makes me love living at the Situation Room. Not that my stereo didn’t get stolen from here too about 5 years ago, but it was a normal random theft and not something that my neighbors did. Or did they….
In this milestone episode of Brad’s Cactus Shack, I grace you all with radio auction pranks I did in the 1980’s that contain comedic on-the-air gold like “Duuuhhhh, bid on football…” and just yelling garbled crap until the hosts hang up on me. You don’t want to miss this episode.
During post editing I realized that “dr” might mean deaf relay, but all of those messages began with dr, even the ones that were just regular voicemails left on my machine about wrasslin’ tapes and stuff.
Want to know the time and temperature in Alton, IL? Call 618-465-4545. I’ve been calling this number regularly my entire life. As a kid I called it each morning before school to find out how much walking to school would suck. As an adult I still call it at least once a month when I’m testing out new phone equipment or making sure my show recordings sound okay.
I’m kind of sad that the number was recently taken over by a new company and it sounds nothing like it used to. Before it was always run by St. Anthony’s hospital and would contain advertisements for dying old people by a lady who sounded like Pat Fleet. Now it’s all computerized and is run by a local website. Awesome of them to take it over though, so it didn’t die.